Looking at Where You Have Been in Order to Get to Where You Are Going

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Welcome! This blog and associated podcasts are inclusive, self-empowerment, personal development, and inner harmony-nurturing safe spaces where you will be guided to not only take up space, but simultaneously hold space for others.

Today’s discussion might be a difficult one for many. There are times we are so focused on all that is happening around us such as how busy we are, how other people seem to move forward quicker than we do, and the next steps without paying homage to the moments that got us to today. There are many aspects of our pasts, and for some, a couple of those aspects may be too painful to even confront. However, if we do not find the strength to look back and begin to work through those raw experiences, they will forever remind us of our fears, and continue to fuel feelings of uncertainties that cannot give us the freedom to truly live.

I have always stated that reflecting on your past gives you the opportunity to realize how far you have come, and nothing is entirely guaranteed. It is important to acknowledge and embrace this notion because it has given birth to at least two very important realities. 1. That we as human beings should constantly remind ourselves to not take the things and people in our lives for granted. I intentionally included the word “remind” because we are human and do experience bouts of self-doubt or disappointments. 2. That because NOTHING is certain, it allows for a present and a future FULL of possibilities.

Take a deep breath in and think about those two things. In the last two blogs, I wrote intensely about taking space, holding space for others, allowing others to hold space for you and honoring the life you have lived thus far. In the spirit of living a cage-free life; one not bound by us yearning for validation or based on other’s expectations, it is important for each one of us to realize that our full potential requires us to break-free from what society dictates. Others cling to the labels created for them because those labels may create a sense of security and comfort. They have been told what is accessible to them and what is not, and may have been provided with a path that has been carefully laid out to either increase their chances of success and accomplishments, or to keep them negatively striving for the rest of their lives.

Part of reflecting on your past (a past that is as recent as yesterday) is looking at what WE have allowed to keep us stranded and feeling unchallenged. In order for us to move forward motivated and determined, we have to examine limitations that we have placed on ourselves or have ALLOWED others to place on us. If you neither BELIEVE that you are capable of living a life you deserve nor have the capacity to work through challenges that shake you to your core, you will hinder your own personal growth and your ability to nurture resilience.

Remember, this is an inner harmony nurturing safe space. Therefore, we must start with the realization that only we as individuals have the ability to completely reflect on our pasts and actions. Each one of us is able to be fully aware of our involvements, previous hurts and gains, and this reality places upon us the responsibility to look back and positively work through those connections.

Deep self-reflection can create benefits for oneself including helping each one of us become more self-aware. The more we nurture our souls and develop a deeper connection with ourselves, the more in-tune with our feelings and self-aware we become.

Whether you feel as though the environment within which you live and all aspects pertaining to it have placed limitations on you or you have placed limitations on yourself; start thinking not only about what those limitations are that you may or may not be consciously aware of, but also of how you may be able to break free. There are olden systems in place that are perpetuated by other people’s unconscious biases (plus our own) and as you know by now, I will be tackling this heavy topic in another blog in order to help each one of us remove those barriers and create a life that is worth living despite the circumstances. This is the point at which I will urge you again to take up space, and you will need to begin this process by merely jotting down the realities of your life. The simple yet effective act of commencing to write the things we believe are holding us back not only authenticates our experiences but paints a picture of the things we know we have face in order to move forward.

As you write down the undesirable past experiences you have had, you will realize that there is a pattern; you still have feelings attached to those encounters. In other words, those experiences elicited or prompted certain emotions that you still experience whether you are attentive to them or not. This is a powerful moment of awareness because it reveals to us a number of truths such as; the reasons why we cling on to the past, the fact that we avoid dealing with our troubles, and most importantly, why we are unwilling to release them because this will mean we are stepping into the unknown without past pains dictating where we cautiously step.

Once you have written them all down, a challenging decision will follow. Remember, other experiences may slowly come to you as you go through this unrushed process. The next part of this course is to make the decision to select which way to move forward. Will you continue to believe that 1: You are a victim of circumstances, chained to your past and stuck in a cycle of survival mode or 2: That your past provides valuable life lessons that you can work through providing an opportunity for you to commence a healing process and explore resources you had not previously thought of ultimately proving that you are no longer willing to be a victim of circumstance.

You see, there is a difference between acknowledging, embracing and working through our limitations and either avoiding or defending them. When you constantly become defensive regarding your past or self-justify and provide reasons as to why those circumstances drive your truths, then they will linger and continue to hold you back. It is time to take what you have learnt and create a new path forward instead of the untrue theories that you have created to describe why you are the way you are. There is always a root for those negative beliefs, and it is only by admitting and addressing them that we can honestly move forward.

In order to shift your mindset, you will have to challenge the root of those theories or beliefs that you have formed. It is the only sure way to dismantle them and you should ask yourself why you feel the way you feel.

In addition, to help you challenge your negative opinions, I would like to ask you to start thinking about and writing down your core values. Let these be your life’s guiding principles and a constant reminder as to how you want to live. Because they cannot co-exist with self-limiting beliefs, they should be your source of strength as you continue your path to alter your trajectory.

Once you challenge those negative beliefs, be intentional about wanting real change and create a plan of what actions YOU will take in order to elevate your life. If financial resources are holding you back, have you thought about building a supportive network that can help mentor you and connect you to those who can help you start a business? Have you sat down to look at what talent you have (it does not matter how small) that can help you earn a little extra money to get you started? Have you thought of volunteering or taking on an internship which will most certainly guarantee that you will meet new people? New people can sometimes lead to new resources. If you are looking to have a meaningful relationship, are you going to have the courage to set healthy boundaries and ACTUALLY communicate your needs early enough instead of changing yourself into someone you think your potential partner will accept?

If need be, enlist the help of a friend, but the goal is to stay positive each day and to take tiny steps. Write on sticky notes and put reminders on your phone or in your calendar. Beginning, even in the smallest of ways, is indicative of your commitment to change. It is comforting and easier for us to cling to life as we know it, but that type of mindset will continue to convince us that we are undeserving and will keep us from manifesting the life we deserve.

Because we have worked through how to address all the negative past experiences we have endured by bringing them to the surface, we now have the tools to help propel us forward beyond the encounters that have been casting a dark shadow over our lives. Do not forget to utilize the positive aspects of your past to strengthen your resilience and fuel your spirit of hope as you tackle each day.

Those challenges that forced you to grow, the painful memories that forged your resilience, the losses that revealed to you just how deeply you can love & serve as a reminder of the fragility of life; urge us to appreciate every breath we take and live in honor(u)r of those who are no longer here. So today, I would like to ask you to allow that to sink in, and if not in recognition for those who do not have the chance you have, then in honor of your own self and the life that you are living.

Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below, and if you have any specific questions that I may be able to assist with. In addition, you can subscribe to my podcast in iTunes, so that you may be alerted when a new episode and blog is released. 

Yve (pronounced Eve) is a Public Health Specialist, Content Creator, Podcaster (www.secretsofyve.com ) and the CEO of the PATESI Foundation (www.patesifoundation.org) and PATESI LLC (www.patesillc.com ). Her family’s blog is located at: www.parentsofdragons.com