Taking Up Space Whilst Holding Space For Others

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I set out to create an atmosphere where we can freely express ourselves without judgment. This blog and associated podcasts are inclusive, self-empowerment, personal development, and inner harmony-nurturing safe spaces where you will be guided to not only take up space, but simultaneously hold space for others.

This blog piece, which is also available in the form of a podcast is the essence of my website. Let me let you in on a not-so-secret, centuries old piece of truth; you are meant to live your life the way you desire. Simple, right? Well, not so easy to accomplish for many and I will tell you why.  Now let me just let you know right now before we go any further that this is not about money, riches and fame (even if that is the dream that many cling to). Oprah once stated the following: "The reason I've been able to be so financially successful is my focus has never, ever for one minute been money." Let me repeat that: "The reason I've been able to be so financially successful is my focus has never, ever for one minute been money."

The world we live in is a powerful one. Society has a grip on most people; telling them how to live, the level of their worth, which neighborhoods they can live in or schools they can go to based on their socioeconomic statuses. The system was designed to propel others to success while suppressing the very existence of particular groups of people. That kind of burden will eventually wear the majority down no matter what race or culture you belong to. Coupled with the pandemic we face, the injustices, and rising depression, we are witnessing what I am calling a humanitarian crisis bubbling at the core.

During this challenging time, we have all been affected in some way. As grim as it may all seem, there is power within each one of us to overcome the overwhelming circumstances surrounding our lives.  In order to tap into that power, we have to be courageous enough to not only take up space but hold space for others. You are probably wondering what that looks like, and I am committed to be your guide.

Taking up space begins with a shift in mindset. In order to be the exception and not the rule, you have to be willing to foster resilience, build up your confidence and realize your worth. Throughout the upcoming blog posts and podcasts, I will help you move up to the next level in your mind and break through intangible barriers that may have been or are still holding you back. Remember, no one in this world has the capacity to be a bigger advocate for you than yourself. You have to learn to be your biggest cheerleader.

There are a few ways that you can begin to protect your energy, take up space and hold space for others.

Let us begin by diving within, literally. Sit down, quiet your mind and begin an inventory of the things that bring you joy and those that drain you. Others will try to fit you into a box, but you are so much more than the expectations set before you. You have to BELIEVE that.

Start by making sure you lay out your priorities and limit the number of things you say yes to. It is okay to let people know if you simply do not have time or are not in the right head space. Remember, it is okay to not be okay.  No matter your reason, taking up space means that it is valid. Your feelings are valid, your opinions are valid, your very existence is valid. It means living unapologetically and without having to justify every decision you make.

Furthermore, your voice matters, and you must learn to be respectfully assertive by letting others know how you want to be treated. Be clear with the way you communicate, never, ever compromise your values and lay out your expectations. This doesn’t happen overnight, so you must be willing to slowly practice until it becomes your reality. Avoid any shortcuts in regard to reaching your full potential; be willing to invest the time and be open to going through the process. Remember when I mentioned the importance of saying no and limiting the number of things that you say yes to? What I am about to say next is a follow-up. In one of my Instagram posts a few months back, I touched on the importance of boundaries. You have to ensure that you have healthy boundaries established with people in your life; no matter who they are (from your family members to friends and co-workers). Boundaries can vary, but they provide a framework for the things that are capable of harming your well-being and that you will not endure (think crossing the line here).

In addition, let us also touch on your outward appearance. I think that is an important subject matter that many people avoid or may find too sensitive to discuss. Well, we are not going to hold back because our goal in this space is to break through. Standards of what others perceive as beautiful have been and are still forced on human beings. However, most recently, we have seen so many people who will not be defined by what those standards embody, and I am here to urge you to do the same. No matter what size we are or what color of hair we have; we are capable of and should carry ourselves with pride.

What I am referring to here is self-love which we will touch on in this series and in forthcoming episodes. To begin, be mindful and gentle with the way you speak with yourself; write down and repeat loving words as you look in the mirror and overtime, that self-talk will boost your self-assurance and lift you to the next level. It may feel strange or awkward at first, but it will become second nature all in good time.

Being self-aware is such an important aspect of taking up space. I will provide guidance in an upcoming blog post about how we can achieve self-awareness on a deeper level. Remember, it is not your job or your responsibility to pacify your needs in order to accommodate others or make them feel whole. It is only by taking up space that we are capable of holding space for others.

Finally, let us talk about holding space. To me, holding space for others means treating others the way that I would want to be treated. With kindness, with gentleness, with patience and definitely without judgment. We were all brought up with different values and we all come from all walks of life. Different cultures, different languages, different communication patterns; these are the truths of the world. However, there is a way that we can be there for others without needing to manipulate the outcomes of their realities. It is about creating a safe space where we don’t tell others how to live, but we can share our experiences if asked. We allow them to try, allow them to make mistakes that they can learn from, and empower them to be the best version of themselves.

By taking away our urge to dictate to them how they should move forward, we provide them with the opportunity to make their own decisions. Even if they stumble, shame is not a path that we should pursue. “I-told-you-sos” are not welcome in a place when you are holding space. Hypercritical, judgmental, disapproving and negative responses will only result in losing trust. We should be supportive and care enough to let them know that what we look at as “failures” are not only part of the process of growth, but in each one lies a life lesson.

It means releasing control and learning to trust them as they navigate this particular chapter in their lives. It means giving someone your full attention minus any distractions and allowing others to express themselves without interference. Being fully aware of our own feelings and holding them back without bursting with responses is part of the art of holding space. Your job is not to provide a solution, but rather create an atmosphere where they can freely express themselves. It is all about genuinely taking time and giving time.

We are just at the beginning of the process of elevating our lives. We will dive deeply into every single topic and aspect that I touched on today. Change is a process that takes time and patience, and I am so excited to be on this journey with you.

Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below, and if you have any specific questions that I may be able to assist with. In addition, you can subscribe to my podcast in iTunes, so that you may be alerted when a new episode and blog is released.

Yve (pronounced Eve) is a Public Health Specialist, Content Creator, Podcaster (www.secretsofyve.com ) and the CEO of the PATESI Foundation (www.patesifoundation.org) and PATESI LLC (www.patesillc.com ). Her family blog is listed at www.parentsofdragons.com