How to Raise Happy Kids

I don’t have the perfect formula for raising happy children, but what I do have is some experience with seeing things that work and don’t work. Theory is one thing, but actually seeing something play out in real time (time and time again) is another. I am sharing four (4) ways and my take on how to raise happy kids with you in order for you to realize that it has much to do with you as it has to do with them.

1.Realize that you are not responsible for their happiness and vice versa (your children are not responsible for your happiness). I say this to everyone I meet, and it is important for couples to realize this as well because this is not a burden that anyone should carry. Finding ways to always please your children without creating a balance will NOT allow them to develop resilience.

Nurture positive growth by providing your children with numerous opportunities to be creative including scheduling quiet time. We are already trying to balance life by cultivating happiness within ourselves which can be difficult for many. It is exhausting to continue fixing their every need while your cup continues to empty as a result. All the ranges of their feelings are valid and need to be acknowledged as we maintain the tranquility that creates a safe space for them and their emotions. As parents our role is to be there for our children when they need us and to be present in those moments; not be the hero of their every challenging scenario.

2.Avoid conditional love. This means allowing your child to have choices, make mistakes and learn from them versus focusing on perfection. Imagine how, as adults, we often beat ourselves up for mistakes we have made internalize things that people say that make us feel good or bad therefore creating categories that shape how we think we should be versus how we actually want to live. Now, take it from the mind from a growing child whose feelings and emotions are still forming. Take a moment and think of how your comments and actions only make a child feel good when they do something that YOU want them to do and vice versa.

The little ones in our lives are not here to earn our love. The more we berate them and place them in a position where they feel like puppets, the more their sense and right of choice diminishes. Children need room to grow without judgement; kindly give them that chance and provide support by gently guiding them. Ask questions before attempting to punish or ridicule and do your best to not transfer your feelings and create shame.

3.Nurture positive self-talk. Create genuine and positive statements that they can repeat over and over again because it is never too early for them to adopt a mantra. Choose a few positive affirmations together and place them in places they will see often. From the inside of their drawers and the bathroom mirror to their lunch boxes and notes on their bedside tables. Seeing how positive self-talk provides them with the ability to create certain desirable outcomes can foster self-confidence, and build up self-esteem. As a result, your child will be better equipped to handle challenges knowing that things that go “wrong” do not define who they are.

4.Be an example. Refrain from negative self-talk yourself and allow them to see you happy as you enjoy your hobbies, pursue goals and be open to new experiences. Little eyes are always watching you and little ears are always listening. I cannot even begin to tell you how often my children repeat what we as parents say and do.

I know it is not easy to refrain from showing anger but try to catch yourself when your tone is off. Children may begin to mimic how you handle disappointing situations and deal with stressful situations.  From volunteering and saying hello to others you meet to showing respect, ooze kindness and watch your children blossom into empathetic and giving adults.

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Until the next blog..

Yve (pronounced Eve) is a Public Health and a Sustainable Development Specialist, Content Creator, Podcaster (www.secretsofyve.com ) and the CEO of the PATESI Foundation (www.patesifoundation.org) and PATESI LLC (www.patesillc.com ). Her family’s blog is located at: www.parentsofdragons.com